ONE SIDED FRIENDSHIPS: Are you doing too much, or not enough?
"Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything." — Muhammad Ali
Friendship really should be considered one of life's greatest treasures. It is a bond we form with others who tend to bring us joy, comfort, and a sense of belonging. However, not all friendships are created equal. In some cases, we may find ourselves caught in the web of a one-sided friendship, where the balance of effort and emotional investment is heavily skewed. This imbalance can lead to feelings of frustration, disappointment, and even resentment. HEAVY on the resentment part!
MY OWN EXPERINCE WITH ONE SIDED FRIENDSHIPS
I chose to address this topic because I have personally experienced neglect in my past friendships over the years. In retrospect, I realized that many people I valued only saw me as a friend for aesthetic reasons or as someone to vent their problems to. While it is not wise to keep score, it is difficult not to when you realize that the friendship is one-sided, and the scales are unbalanced. Despite my efforts to be there for certain induvials. My personal struggles and triumphs seemed to hold no interest or importance to them. Eventually, I came to the realization that I needed to distance myself from these one-sided friendships. Some of these individuals were not self-aware enough (or capable) to recognize that they were simply not good friends, and my absence further confirmed my decision. There were also instances where communication proved to be a significant barrier. Some of these friends lacked the necessary skills to understand and empathize with my feelings of being neglected. Expressing my sentiments about the lack of reciprocation became an uphill battle in itself, leading to further frustration and disappointment. After numerous disappointment I also had to check my expectations and prioritize what I truly needed in a friendship. I made the conscious decision to prioritize my own well-being and surround myself with individuals who value and respect our friendship as a mutual exchange. I sought out friends who not only listened but also genuinely cared about my experiences, offering support, and understanding without hesitation. That left me with one hand of people I knew I could truly confide in that provided a safe space for me to be ME! No walking on eggshells, genuine exchange of showing up as friends and actively wanting to be a participant in my life.
WHAT CAUSES THE IMBALANCE, EFFORTS AND HAVING DIFFERENT EXPECTATIONS
One-sided friendships occur when one person puts in more effort than the other. It can manifest in various ways, such as constantly initiating plans, being the sole listener in conversations, or always being there for the other person without receiving the same level of support in return. This lopsided dynamic can leave one feeling drained, undervalued, and emotionally exhausted.
This imbalance of it all can occur due to various reasons. It could be that one person is naturally more giving or nurturing, while the other takes a more passive role. Additionally, life circumstances such as work, family, or other commitments can cause one person to have less time or energy to invest in the friendship. Whatever the reason, when one person consistently gives more than they receive, it can lead to feelings of frustration and become alarming when you feel the scales are unbalanced.
Another common cause of one-sided friendships is mismatched expectations. Each person enters a friendship with their own set of expectations, whether consciously or subconsciously. These expectations can include the frequency of communication, the level of emotional support, and the willingness to make time for each other. When these expectations are not aligned, it can create a dynamic where one person feels like they are constantly falling short. For example, if one friend expects daily check-ins and constant availability, while the other prefers a more relaxed approach, it can lead to feelings of disappointment and dissatisfaction.
HOW TO ADDRESS ISSUE AND SEEK RESOLUTION
It is important to remember that not all friendships are meant to last forever, and sometimes it is necessary to let go of toxic or one-sided relationships for the sake of your own well-being. Surrounding yourself with people who genuinely appreciate and value your friendship can lead to more fulfilling and mutually beneficial connections.
Although it is important to recognize the signs of a one-sided friendship and understand its impact, it is also important to examine your own contribution to the dynamic. Ask yourself if you have been enabling this one-sided dynamic by consistently putting your friend's needs before your own or by not expressing your own boundaries and expectations clearly. Self-reflection is crucial in understanding how your actions and behaviors may have contributed to the current state of the friendship. By examining your own contribution, you can make necessary changes to improve the situation and establish healthier boundaries moving forward.
The best way to get through these types of friendships is to communicate how you feel and establish boundaries! After you establish a clear point of view, and the friend hears you out. Hopefully the friends show willingness to contribute within the friendship and this can be the beginning of something beautiful. If not, I strongly advise to evaluate the friendship and see if it truly worth savaging. If not, existing the friendship for better mental health would be the best option for yourself. It is also best to not hold on to a friendship based on how long you have known them, but more so how they make you feel, character, and how they have shown up for you. Walking on eggshells is already a red flag and should be alarming as to why you would feel that way in the first place.
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I am NOT a medical expert, and all the articles and content shared here are solely based on my personal experiences, opinions, and research. It is essential that you consult your own physician or therapist and conduct your own research before following any advice mentioned on this platform.
